Finding Your Confidence

We’ve all hit a low point or experienced a time when we’ve asked ourselves, “What’s wrong with me?” Not getting a call back for an interview, flubbing on a first date, or discovering your favorite pair of jeans are too tight. Eek! These are all the things that can challenge your self-esteem and cause you to lose your confidence. But, I’m here to tell you how to find it again. So get out your flashlight and take notes. Here are 10 tips on how to find your confidence again.

Photo Credit: Arionne Nettles www.arionnealyssa.com
Photo Credit: Arionne Nettles www.arionnealyssa.com

1 .Recognize your strengths and build on them. It’s great to know what you’re not so good at or where you’re lacking, but knowing your strengths is a game changer. Why? Because you can focus on them and build on them.

2. Know that you are unique and your life has a purpose. Oftentimes we lose our confidence when we compare our lives to others. But most of the time we’re comparing our reality to other someone  else’s highlights. Don’t do it! Comparison is the killer of joy. That’s why you’ve got to know that you are uniquely made and serve an awesome purpose here on this Earth. Only you can be you and no one else. Celebrate yourself!

3. Use positive self-talk and positive visualization. Talk yourself up. Speak positively and envision a positive outcome. Studies show you’re more likely to perform better when you visualize success. Write down a few positive affirmations and the moment you feel a negative thought coming on, repeat it to yourself out loud. It might feel strange, but it works. Say it until you believe it and after a while you WILL.

4. Set a goal and celebrate meeting it. Set small goals and reward yourself for completing them. Celebrate your accomplishment, as well as your commitment to yourself.

5. Practice gratitude. When you’re thankful for what you have there’s no room to complain about what you’re missing. Consider all of the things you’re grateful for and if you need a reminder jot down a list of 3 things on the spot.

6. Eliminate negative thoughts. It’s easy to let negative thoughts take over, and once that happens you risk spiraling out of control. Eliminate negative thoughts as soon as they arise. You can do that by replacing each negative thought with a positive one.

7. Improve your body image and body language. Most times when we look good we feel good, and vice versa. If you don’t like something about yourself do what you can to improve it. Want to feel more physically fit? Then plan to exercise. Want to feel more confident when meeting new people? Then work on your posture and eye contact. These are little things that we can do immediately feel better about ourselves.

8. Change how you view failure. Instead of viewing failure as a tragic loss, try viewing it as a valuable lesson. By simply changing your feelings about it, you can change the impact of the outcome. It’s okay to fail as long as you’re learning and trying. No harm in that.

9. Increase your competence and knowledge base. Challenge yourself by learning something new or trying something new. Expand your mind and your experiences. This will encourage growth and you might discover a new interest or new talent.

10. Practice one or more of these tips daily. Building confidence takes work and it has to be done consistently. It’s like maintaining good hygiene; you’ve got to practice it every day in order for it to be effective.

Finding Your Confidence Right Size 2

Karli Butler is an activist, optimist, and survivor showing the world there’s a beautiful life after drama, trauma, and scars one post at a time. Follow her journey at www.burnedbeauty.com. Some of her favorite sources of confidence inspiration are Simple Reminders, Beliefnet, @alex_elle on Instagram, and Brene Brown.

This post can also be found at Halfstack Magazine Online.

The Moment I Gave Up

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When I need a reminder . . .
Some of the worst days, but the most growth. God was thrusting greatness upon me and I was so busy judging the package I couldn’t see the gift. In this very moment, I was scared as hell because someone just tried to kill me. The police were snapping photos and asking me a million questions. I couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were too disturbing. And the pain, I couldn’t describe it with words if I wanted to. No amount of medication was helping me, so I just laid there lifeless, sick and full of anxiety. At this point (right here in this photo), I literally gave up. My appetite disappeared and I stopped eating, so they forced a feeding tube up my nose and down my throat. The doctors told my family to encourage me to eat. I remember them saying, “Come on, Kar. You gotta eat.” And I would turn my head and drift off. My left eye wouldn’t close, so I literally slept with one eye open. When the depression would get the best of me I would break down and cry. I would wail from my soul, “Why God!?! Whyyyyy? Why me?” I would try to convince myself that had Nicole shot me I would’ve been better off. I actually cursed myself out in my head. “Why didn’t you let her shoot you? It was only a 22. You could’ve survived that bullet.” And while crying my nurses would surround me and tell me that everything would be alright. They tried to say it with confidence, but I could see the sadness in their eyes. In these moments I felt useless, helpless, weak, and ugly. Funny because just days before I felt strong, independent, loved, beautiful, and successful. You see how all of that changed like (💫) that? Look at God, though. He was telling me that I didn’t know what strength, beauty, love, and success were. So, I threw all of those notions and ideas into the fire. And I BURNED them! And while praying, reflecting, and rebuilding, I was able to create new, healthier ideas of those things. And like the Phoenix, I emerged from that fire, that darkness, that torment, that pain a better version of myself. I am so, so thankful and I STILL wouldn’t change a thing. #WhenYouHaveAnAnointingOnYourLife #NeverGiveUp #StayFaithful #ItGetsGreaterLater
#burnedbeauty #ButGod #blessed  #TestimonyTuesday #burnsurvivor #acidburnsurvivor #highlyfavored

Body Confidence

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I am 30 + years old.
My weight has fluctuated over the years.
My stomach has endured 3rd degree full-thickness burns, skin grafts and a 7 + pound baby.
My abs are stronger than ever, but the skin on my stomach will never be the same.

And I’m okay with that. I still wear a bikini because I feel like it. Who gon’ check me, boo?

Body Love

I was honored to be photographed by my friend and former classmate, Laura Lopez, recently. She is extraordinarily talented and is producing a series called Body Love, consisting of photos featuring individuals with scars or a physical feature that they’ve learned to love and embrace over time. The photos will run in Halfstack Magazine’s summer issue.

Needless to say, I was both humbled and excited to be chosen as a participant. Below is one of the moments she captured. She never disappoints.