The Moment I Gave Up

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When I need a reminder . . .
Some of the worst days, but the most growth. God was thrusting greatness upon me and I was so busy judging the package I couldn’t see the gift. In this very moment, I was scared as hell because someone just tried to kill me. The police were snapping photos and asking me a million questions. I couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were too disturbing. And the pain, I couldn’t describe it with words if I wanted to. No amount of medication was helping me, so I just laid there lifeless, sick and full of anxiety. At this point (right here in this photo), I literally gave up. My appetite disappeared and I stopped eating, so they forced a feeding tube up my nose and down my throat. The doctors told my family to encourage me to eat. I remember them saying, “Come on, Kar. You gotta eat.” And I would turn my head and drift off. My left eye wouldn’t close, so I literally slept with one eye open. When the depression would get the best of me I would break down and cry. I would wail from my soul, “Why God!?! Whyyyyy? Why me?” I would try to convince myself that had Nicole shot me I would’ve been better off. I actually cursed myself out in my head. “Why didn’t you let her shoot you? It was only a 22. You could’ve survived that bullet.” And while crying my nurses would surround me and tell me that everything would be alright. They tried to say it with confidence, but I could see the sadness in their eyes. In these moments I felt useless, helpless, weak, and ugly. Funny because just days before I felt strong, independent, loved, beautiful, and successful. You see how all of that changed like (💫) that? Look at God, though. He was telling me that I didn’t know what strength, beauty, love, and success were. So, I threw all of those notions and ideas into the fire. And I BURNED them! And while praying, reflecting, and rebuilding, I was able to create new, healthier ideas of those things. And like the Phoenix, I emerged from that fire, that darkness, that torment, that pain a better version of myself. I am so, so thankful and I STILL wouldn’t change a thing. #WhenYouHaveAnAnointingOnYourLife #NeverGiveUp #StayFaithful #ItGetsGreaterLater
#burnedbeauty #ButGod #blessed  #TestimonyTuesday #burnsurvivor #acidburnsurvivor #highlyfavored

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